I have recognised some of the foods that cause me a lot of problems controlling my weight. Mainly white and processed foods all the simple carbohydrates grains and root vegetables sugar bread potatoes etc. I am well aware that these foods cause major fluid retention and fat storage in my body but for some reason every now and again I have to throw out everything I know and consume these foods, sometimes in large quantities. Am I just checking to see if by some miracle I have been cured and can now eat these foods or am I throwing a tantrum and saying I am going to eat them anyway or am I self sabotaging because I am scared of the new me and the new healthy lifestyle that I am practising that is actually working for the first time in my life, I may even be able to join that exclusive group that are not obese.
I know I like new things and excitement in my life but do I really need to see the scale jump by over 2kg or 5lb overnight and then take over a week to drop back again.
I have no portion control when it comes to these foods especially sugar and if I buy it I will always eat it all in one sitting or I will wear the fridge door out going back and forward until it is all gone. I don't know why I do this I am convinced it is psychological some sort of deprivation issue from my childhood with some physical symptoms thrown in for good measure for example my insulin spiking and creating severe hunger pains or feeling like I have a hangover from sugar overload.
Any sensible person you would think would avoid food that they know makes them feel ill and stacks on the weight just looking at it and for the most part I do, but every now and then the need for comfort or somebody offers food or gives me food that I know I shouldn't eat, I will use all the excuses in the book, I don't want to offend or it doesn't really matter, I will be right I have been so good a little bit won't hurt.
I am here and now recognising that I can't eat these foods at anytime, really they are poison to my system they make me ill, they store in my body as fat and they have been slowly killing me all of my life. They have been my silent enemy its like fighting something that you don't know is there, you can't see it or hear it and you definitely can't hit back. But I know my enemy now the light has been switched on and I can see into all the corners of the room. I have educated myself and experienced the devastation that these foods cause me and my weightloss journey it is time to banish them once and for all. Some people can eat any food as long as they portion control and count calories I can't and I need to accept this as my reality, I have had enough experience over the last 10 months of the problems that these foods cause me.
I think this relates to lots of things in my life and I really need to start protecting myself and saying no to doing things I don't want to do and feeling guilty for being different and to stop hiding behind I am allergic or diabetic. I need to be honest with myself and others and say those foods do not agree with me and I can't eat them and get over the fact that this is the way it is otherwise I will never be truly free to be who I want to be.
Weigh in info I have had a low weight of 138.3kg or 304lb so close to going under 300lb I am looking forward to that day I have set a goal of having lost 30kg or 66lb by New Year very achievable.
Have a great day
Ann
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