I have just made the decision to go public with my journey. I need to be accountable and honest with what I am trying to achieve and I am hoping that in some way I may be able to help others. I have been overweight all my life and I have struggled with being an overweight woman in this body concious, looks concious society. A lot of the time I have ignored being overweight hoping that it would disappear or I accepted the weight and decided that this is my lot and I just have to deal with it, I accepted that I was different and fitted in with others that were also a bit different I became there champion. I also craved deep down to be the same as everyone else.
I have sacrificed a family and partner so that I could be overweight. I know, why would you want to be overweight I have ask myself the same question a lot and now that I have started to be honest with myself I believe its protection, its an excuse, it means I don't have to get out of my comfort zone, I have a ready made excuse for not achieving or reaching my goals, I can give up without guilt and the best one of all is that I can blame something else for my life not being everything that I want it to be.
I am 48 years old my highest weight was 166kg or 365lb This was the position I found myself in in Febuary 2009. I have been on a cycle of losing weight and gaining it back with interest since I was 16 years old. I have decided that enough is enough and I don't want to hide behind my fat anymore. I am a strong person and stubborn and I have a strong belief that I can beat this thing I want my life to be better I am going to give this gift to myself because I deserve it.
I started this journey of discovery in Febuary of this year I joined an online health based weight loss group called Sparkpeople (its free) in July the previous year another one of my five year cycle attemps. I seem to do that every five years I make some sort of effort to lose weight and end up putting more on at the time Sparkpeople seemed very overwhelming but I kept getting the information emails and I would read some and they got me thinking I need to do something about my weight maybe this is the way to go it was a start.
Sparkpeople advocate eat healthy and excercise, I know I hate that too, can't I just take a pill or a meal replacement shake, I have had success in the past with pills and shakes and such like. I then had to agree that the success had been very short lived ok I lost weight and sometimes a lot of weight but it would always come back and more. Sparkpeople advocate changing your lifestyle for good start slowly and change your habits. This is what I have been doing for the last nine months baby steps changing my eating habits and excercising more.
I have lost 23 kilo's or 50lb I must admit its the longest I have taken to lose that much weight but it has definitely been the best learning I have done. I know now why I binge eat I know when I eat emotionaly I now know what triggers hunger pains. I have the tools and I need to use them everyday. I am hoping to loose another 70 kilo's and at the same time increase my fitness. I don't want to be an athlete I just want to have good general fitness so I can do the things I want to be able to do.
I will be posting a few times a week and I will relate back to some of the things I have gone through and some of the problems I am facing now.
Thankyou www.sparkpeople.com
Ann
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